WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY

WHY do i go out on a perfectly normal date and come home thinking of him. i sound like a five year old. or worse. an obsessed 7th grader. i had large amounts of pride because i DIDNT do this like other girls. maybe im going through a 7th grade phase.

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

my thoughts exactly. I talked to him right before i went on my date with eric. im almost embarrased to write this. he IMed me..i told him i was going on a date and he didnt say anything untill i asked him what he was doing. maybe he cares? i want to think he cares. i know he does somewhere. but doesnt want me to know. or he doesnt give a fuck and just wants to fuck me. im fucking his best friend. alright not his best friend but friend none the less.

i dont think he knows. he acted like he didnt know if geoff had had sex before. i acted like i was asking for sherilyn. wellll they are the only two guys ive had unprotected sex with voluntarily.....

speaking of my DATE tonight he was soo cute. we laughed and genuinly had a good time. but i dont want him as my boyfriend. idk why. he opens doors for me, picks me up, genuinely cares for me...send me ROSES and a teddy bear for valentines day....hes funny, a christian.....yet he tried to have sex with me when i was still a virgin....he would have been my first. i was an early 15.

i thought i was over him. i was fine with geoff.....it was good the other night..hes also is really nice and funny and a monty substitute. i really just want to run to plattsburg and sleep with him and have him run off in the morning. why do i want to be mistreated by an ugly short hairy huge penised monty? WHY>! becuase hes the one guy i feel i really dont have but he wanted me so bad and now that he had me he doesnt want me and i want him i hate this shit im never liking anyone ever again.,

im going to end up with someone like eric...if im lucky. he told me he has a journal tongiht. thats pretty gay. wonder if im in there. i wonder if monty ever puts lyrics in his profile about me, am i just another eric? its really possible. probable.