i just got back from the gym with dani. i like going with her, i like hanging out with her. shes much more positive than SOME people. ive been a little sick today...and not only with a head cold. actually very sick today...im bloated because i threw up so much. idk what started it but today was NOT a good day. ill be better tomorrow.
i didnt take my meds but i dont want to believe i NEED them. obviously they are not working as they should...which means i need MORE not less. i just dont like admitting there is something wrong with my head. but then again im hurting my body trying to convince myself there is not something wrong with me, which there is.
i wonder what aura i project, the "feeling" people get when they meet me. i think i intrigue guys...i can tell when one is attractedto me and many guys are. its nice. its hard for me to make girl friends. i dont really care though i have sherry laura tressa shona and dani. plenty.
i always feel happier coming from the gym. but sore, and not skinnier. possibly because ive EATEN MY BODY WEIGHT IN FOOD TODAY!
and im becoming more neurotic about stealing. i wanted to sooo bad today and i was really ill. headache...fever..all that shit. and i wanted to go drive my car and steal. whoever came up with the term retail therepy is right. except in my case its kleptomaina. or hypochondriac-ism.
im nervous about the ANTM auditions. im going to be fat and short and i know that should "motivate" me but im healthiest when im NOT stressed and not pressured to be skinny. then i just AM skinny. that doesnt happen alot. i miss shitting.
i got a detox kit from target. hopefully ill be shitting logs soon. my lips are really dry and i cant breath. hope i dont wake up with leather mouth again.
im a little crazy...alright make that alot crazy. geoff called last night while i was on my date with eric. i almost wrote monty. yeah hhh right. eric says he likes my crazyness...if only he knew. he is really sweet. like a teddy bear. i almost wish he was here to cuddle with. maybe ill get together with him tomorrow. maybe ill shit bricks tomorrow. maybe pigs with fly and ill finally be 120 pounds with bcups and arched feet and perfect skin and bluer eyes and blonder hair and STRAIGHT fucking hair and it will grow and i will be beautiful and HAPPY and i wont be bulimic or steal or lie or be messy or fat. or fart. or pickmynose.
im quite the attractive one.
i didnt take my meds but i dont want to believe i NEED them. obviously they are not working as they should...which means i need MORE not less. i just dont like admitting there is something wrong with my head. but then again im hurting my body trying to convince myself there is not something wrong with me, which there is.
i wonder what aura i project, the "feeling" people get when they meet me. i think i intrigue guys...i can tell when one is attractedto me and many guys are. its nice. its hard for me to make girl friends. i dont really care though i have sherry laura tressa shona and dani. plenty.
i always feel happier coming from the gym. but sore, and not skinnier. possibly because ive EATEN MY BODY WEIGHT IN FOOD TODAY!
and im becoming more neurotic about stealing. i wanted to sooo bad today and i was really ill. headache...fever..all that shit. and i wanted to go drive my car and steal. whoever came up with the term retail therepy is right. except in my case its kleptomaina. or hypochondriac-ism.
im nervous about the ANTM auditions. im going to be fat and short and i know that should "motivate" me but im healthiest when im NOT stressed and not pressured to be skinny. then i just AM skinny. that doesnt happen alot. i miss shitting.
i got a detox kit from target. hopefully ill be shitting logs soon. my lips are really dry and i cant breath. hope i dont wake up with leather mouth again.
im a little crazy...alright make that alot crazy. geoff called last night while i was on my date with eric. i almost wrote monty. yeah hhh right. eric says he likes my crazyness...if only he knew. he is really sweet. like a teddy bear. i almost wish he was here to cuddle with. maybe ill get together with him tomorrow. maybe ill shit bricks tomorrow. maybe pigs with fly and ill finally be 120 pounds with bcups and arched feet and perfect skin and bluer eyes and blonder hair and STRAIGHT fucking hair and it will grow and i will be beautiful and HAPPY and i wont be bulimic or steal or lie or be messy or fat. or fart. or pickmynose.
im quite the attractive one.
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