tierd

im so tired and i feel weak right now

idk whats going on wtih geoff.eric wantst o date me. im also sortof seeing kennty and talking to espo.

im smoking alot. i just smoked a pall mall and they dont have filters and it made me light headed.

its joshs bday today. tehy went to ihop. i wanted to see rich but all i got was a glance. hes alot older than me but he invited me to a party on friday. im excited. i want to be skinny so badly.

sherilyn yellyed at me for a long time today about smoking. it was annoying. i want to stop throwing up and eating. i can do pretty well when i work and dont have to be home. home is a trigger. my house is a trigger. i ate a lot of joshs birthday cheese cake this morning before i left for sherilyns to study.

i think i also bombed my test in nutrition because we didnt look at chapter 16. i knew there couldnt be only 2 chapters to study. blargg

i need to sleep.

im uncovered

they both found out. about the trip to plattsburg. i dont even want to say what went on there but the image of them together will always be on my mind. not to mention that i just went up there to make geoff jealous but i didnt want him to find out. monty told one of his friends what happened and that friend told geoff. when i told monty that i had a relationship with geoff for a while now he seemed very unfazed. which i actually felt really good about. he seemed to genuinly care about me and what happened...even though he came right out and said "i think you know by now that i only want to hook up wiht you." which i had known for a while but didnt want to admit to myself. i feel really good that its out in the open now. geoff sent me all these terrible text messages like "you make me want to vomit since you blah blah blah with monty last night"
And "lose my number K thanx." butt he decided to "forgive me" im sure hes hooked up with other girls ESPECIALLY since he found out. i went over wednesday night after work and we just talked and went and got pizza. then i went home. i really contemplated going to st rose to hang with kenny but i restrained my "red bottomosity" as georgia would say and went home.

eric has been especially up my asss lately and its really irratating. he wants to talk every day and blarggg i dont want to date him but i know that i know he wants to date me. i dont know how to get out of this one because i really just want to see geoff.

now thers no way i can double team them..monty and geoff that is. that was fun. but w/e theres always eric, kenny...espo. and rich from work. hes fun to play with and im sure hell be good at fucking. thats if he doesnt have an extremly small dick which its very possible he does. or hes married. because hes old. at LEAST 25-26. blarrrghgg. oh well hes fun to flirt with and im sure ill be in his pants by next week. wowww im a slut. hehehe whatever a guy would do the exact same thing. and im young and this is the hottest im ever going to be. im going to enjoy myself

so i havent written in a while...

i went to florida for a week with my family.

i gained 4 or 5 pounds. im at like 133. i feel soo huge.

i also started smokeing. and i b+p every single day, sometimes after every meal. i havent been doing well.

and i stopped taking my meds. and i cant fucking type! ahhgfasdlfj

universal and islands of adventures were fun! the beach was fun, and i didnt think i looked too bad in my bikini.

i hated my mom. alot. she was just suchhh a bitch sometimes and freaked out when she found out i was smoking.


i started smoking before i left but i bought packs while i was down there. i went through almost two full packs in a week. i neeeeeed to lose weight. need to. this weight is just wayyy tooo much.

idk what im going to do but i need to figure out something.
and i dont know if im employed at IHOP anymore.

i went there last night after we got into albany and my name wasnt on the schedual.

i hope im not fired, if i am, not my fault! sdjklasdkl i dooo need money though. really.