pissed

im so fucking pissed right now.


not only am i sick and spent the day sleeping and peeing razor blades, but tongiht i played babysitter.
sherilyn got drunk today at her familys party came over my house and then continued drinking at her house. she bashed me the other day for being with rich but then flirted NON FUCKING STOP when we were with him.

we went to humpys to supposedly sing karyoke but that wasnt hooked up. so then sherilyn and rich played pool and sherilyns tits were everywhere.

she was soo sloopy drunk and after i told her to stop drinking she continued to do it. my favorite was when i went to the bathroom and left sher and rich outside and came back to them making out. soo fucked up.

sherilyn congratulated a meth addict for climbing three stairs. she walked with a cane and sher kept on calling her a "bad ass" and saying how awesome she was. i hate her sometimes.

then on the way home she wanted me to talk to guere and tell him we were having a threesome. i was like FUCK THAT.

rich wanted to go to albs and have me shmooose jay for some yay. i felt so bad the other night because i legitimately think hes a good guy. apart from the drug dealing and all.

fucked up shit.

harrasment

sooo i get to sherilyns and i smelll like smoke because i had just smoked and i get the third degree from not only sherilyn but colette AND chris. its bull shit and i dont want to come here anymore. then i get a talking to about rich from sherilyn, how hes so gross and not going anywhere and how the thought of us having sex makes her stomach turn. 

well fuck you. when i was like "okay, whatever." shes like "YOURE NOT LISTENING!" and i was like yesssss i am bitch i was listening to you talk about the guy that i am starting to like and completely bashing him. not to mention the fact that she had sex with him as well. 

im beginning to not like her more and more. especially colette and chris. fuck them. theyve done all sorts of shit and i know that i know that smoking is bad but whatever. im going to die when im going to die and they should just leave me to do it.

ill start hanging out with laura and danielle more often. even though danielle will chastise me even more.  whatever anything is better than her.

spiriling out of control

so yeah. im crazy. im doing coke, a 28 year old, cigarretes, a 22 year old, having 3 somes with my best friend,alcohol,throwing up, alli, and fucking loving it.

sometimes i feel like im really crazy. like when i made my mom cry the other day. she knows im not doing well. im not even skinny though. i do feel fat next to renn and rich with their skinny perfect bodies.

it was sad leaving his place tonight. his gf was coming home from pennsylvania. he was like " i dont want to be a jerk but..."

i was hanging out with him and sherilyn the other night and got pulled over. i had been drinking. i didnt get a ticket for dui thank god but i did get three tickets for going 43 in a 30, having my registration out of date, and for having something in the wrong place.

we called lauras mom to come pick us up. i bought her flowers the other day and got lectured by karen and wayne. that was nice. not.

renn leaves tomorrow. that sucks. hes kinda boring though. but hes pretty.

i havent seen geoff in sooo long. soo long. monty texted me and wanted to know what i was up to tonight. i had to work. i was supposed to go to RPI tonight to visit renn but went to riches instead and we had sex, then went to go get coke. his friend was really funny and works at fridays. wish i remembered his name.

crazy night, im out of control

so i work with this guy rich. hes 29 years old, and hot. and great great great at sex.

ive officially become a slut. or liberated from my morals. whatever you want to call it.

we met a little more than a week ago at work and have worked every day together flirting and touching nonstop.

we hung out on friday at his "dance party" which was with some of his old college roommates who are DJs and play crazy techno.

i had already drank with espo earlier that night and then started drinking beer at richs. then we did some coke. then we smoked weed. all througout the night, not in one linear time period. we danced. then we made out on the porch. we sortof tore each other apart.

then idk whyy but i drove to his place, completely intoxicated. we talked about our lives and how fucked up they are.

we got to his place and i dont even remember really what happened first or last but there was some kinky shit going on. like finger in my ass? it felt really good actually. ohh and more coke. and eating out. and lots of head. he doesnt stay hard really long, maybe it was the booze, or coke, or weed or a combination of all of them. and we smoked cigarrettes like they were water.

he was so good at eating me out though. my favorite favorite part was when he ate me out with coke on his tongue. it was out of this fucking world. and i actually orgasmed.
he came all over. in me, on my stomach, on my boobs.

and i had to work that morning at 8. we didnt even GET to his house untill 4 ish. we had sex for a LONG time. it was terrible crashing at work. TERRIBLE.

rich called tongiht and he was drunk. he didnt know he had to work at 9. hes a scumbag and if the sex wasnt SO FUCKING AWESOME i dont think i would talk to him anymore. and he has a gf. but i have like 15 boyfriends. so w/e.

geoff told me tongiht that he took vicodin and thats why he lasted so long. that makes sense because when we had the 3some he lasted 2 seconds. i told him he should start eating me out. that should be mandatory and i need to start demanding it more often.

im eating less, not even by choice. i cant eat at work. im smoking more too, and drinking more. im a mess, really. but im making money and going to school and juggling 5 boys who are unaware of one another. so thats a plus.