your mom.

i dont want sherilyn to find this. or anyone really.

its my thing.

steve came over last night...it was an odd trip down memory lane. he called me the other night and tried to get me to come out with him for icecream or soemthing like that. he thought he was going to leave for ireland on the 26th but his visa didnt come in yet...so when my mom picked me up from sherilyns house the other day he was in the car.

we built snowmen...six of them to be exact. it was my moms idea and it turned out to be a lot of fun. first we were only going ot build one...but the snow was perfect and we ended up building three snow balls that were so big that they all turned into "bases". i got ine built first and my mom brought out all the decorations...she tends to go a little overboard on these types of things but if she didnt they wouldnt have turned out as great as they did.

the first snowman was a regular girl with goggles for eyes, poker pieces for a mouth, a flashlight bulb for a nose, a hat and scarf and two sticks with mittens on them for hands. i was very proud.

the others ended up being a DRAGON(my idea) andrew decided to paint it green with spray paint ahaha...a demon walrus with icicles for teeth and a stick through its middle...a "cat" and a happy snowman. t


then josh came outside...saw our snowmen and got jealous. he started rolling around the biggest snowman base i had ever seen. it was massive. steve and i had to help him move it. then he proceded to make it over 6 feet tall in the midddle of our yard. it was massive and had shovels for arms and a metal bucket for a head. VERY manly. and joshua like.


my dad wanted me to bring steve home...and i almost did. i contemplated kissing him and although the concept of touching him ever again would have repulsed me a week ago having that contact with him in the snow was reminicent of days where we could just have fun together...innocently. i gave him a hug as my dad went to bring him home and that was it.

hes leaving for ireland for an entire year. i really dont have recurring feelings for him...but i did spend a long time throwing up my dinner in the shower. guesss i did. but im not willing to admit that...even to myself.

i need to get soem help. my mom comes in to my room later that night and all she says to me in "CLEAN UP THE FRONT OF THE TOILET AND THE RUG I JUST CLEANED THEM!"

i remember when she came in my room and was like "HEather you have to stop this...just STOP IT."

i thought to myself....WOUDLNT I IF I COULD?!?! its something i have admitted i cant control...but i dont want to go to any self help groups. im past that.



sherilyn just showed me the "mark is a douche" wall post thing and it is SOOO highschool. im over that. sooo over that. im trying to hypnotise myself and i cut out all of my green glass pieces for my tree.


till next time...